Text by Jade Cox. Opening artwork: @pinealcolada
First of all, a little bit of an introduction about who we are. We had been married for almost 2 years when the experiment began. We decided to embark on this experiment, mainly out of curiosity, but also because we were having some problems adjusting to life together in a foreign country. D was having more difficulty than J as a result of being unemployed and having few friends to spend time with and this was causing tension between us. We wanted to see if this experiment could help D with the depression she was developing. We attempted to dose at the same time each day but it wasn’t always possible as at the time our sleeping patterns were a bit irregular since we were on holiday, with no particular commitments.
We had been married for almost 2 years when the experiment began
1p-LSD was chosen as, at the time, it was possible to get accurately dosed 100µg tabs that were made in a lab as opposed to street LSD which can be variable and always has a level of uncertainty in the dosage. We cut the 100µg tabs into 8 pieces and took a piece each on each day. This was not necessarily the most accurate dosing method available to us but it was the easiest. A system of volumetric dosing with water would have been more accurate.
It might have been an interesting experiment to refrain from all other substances during the time of the experiment but we decided to just see how the days go and treat each day as an ordinary day where we could do what we might normally do.
17:00 – 12.5µg 1p-LSD
Today was a beautiful sunny day and after dosing we decided to go down to a local park and relax with some friends. It was a relatively uneventful day but we were both noticing a very slight shift in consciousness and added energy throughout the day. J was noticing some colour enhancement and very slight visual distortions but this was not a distraction and, if anything, just made the world a little more beautiful, and funny, to look at.
Throughout the day at the park we had a few alcoholic drinks each, J was on the beer and D was drinking whiskey and coke. Although, in our experience, alcohol usually distracts from an LSD trip, it was not a huge issue and the effect was still present. Most of our time was spent talking to friends and J was juggling a lot. J loves to juggle on a full-blown LSD trip as it creates a mind-state for him that is almost meditative and a level of flow to his patterns and transitions that can often surpass his sober state although the effect of this was not even close to the effect from a usual LSD trip.
All in all it was a very enjoyable day and we had good fun at the park
Towards the end of the night we met several people we hadn’t met before and conversation flowed easily. Both of us did a small bump of speed off one of these people because D was a little drunk and wanted to do so which is very unusual as usually neither of us are into speed. D had some good conversations regarding relationships and Mediterranean food with an Italian guy we met around the fire at night and exchanged numbers with a woman we would meet again a few days later. All in all it was a very enjoyable day and we had good fun at the park.
13:00 – 12.5µg 1p-LSD
J was much more open than usual and this made D very happy, this was definitely a good thing for us as J is not so good at speaking about his feelings and D is like an open book when it comes to emotions
After we woke up D was very hung-over and hungry. We decided to go out and get some food. As we were walking down the street away from our house some friends walked towards us with a huge 5kg bag of pork ribs asking D to make them. At this point, D had completely forgotten that she had invited them over for ribs on Wednesday. She spent most of the day cooking and smoking joints. We didn’t speak so much earlier on but did have a hearty conversation about her family that she was missing as they were in another country and she hadn’t seen them for over a year.
The whole day J was feeling a lot of love towards D and kept joining her in the kitchen to have a cuddle and just hold each other. Around 17:00 J had a laughing fit for approximately 15 minutes for no apparent reason, but it felt like an LSD laugh, a deep, hearty, uncontrollable belly laugh that makes you feel ecstatic inside.
After they left, we sat on the sofa and had a long talk with each other about our relationship and some issues that had arisen in the previous 6 months. J was much more open than usual and this made D very happy, this was definitely a good thing for us as J is not so good at speaking about his feelings and D is like an open book when it comes to emotions. Around 02:00, another friend, T, came to visit and spoke about some of his problems with D but left after about an hour and a half as we went to bed.
13:00 – 12.5µg 1p-LSD
After waking up we took our dose and popped into town do some shopping. We bought a few clothes for the festival we would be going to in a couple of weeks’ time. We went to a local place for some fried fish and fries and ended up in a competition that required us to choose what we enjoyed most out of a selection of approximately eight activities such as travelling, visiting family, etc. If they matched each other we won free cocktails, we won a couple of martini and tonics, yay!
J felt that D was very distant for most of the day and was not particularly engaging with anyone except for the aforementioned conversation with T
After shopping we went to a local coffeeshop and sat there smoking and planning what to do next. T appeared and that’s when D realised she had forgotten she had invited him over for lunch. She didn’t think it would hurt his feelings as it was an honest mistake, possibly the effect of the LSD or maybe because it makes her concentrate more on her emotional state and forget other commitments. But she sat him down and spoke to T regarding how every small infraction should not be treated as a hard-core criminal offence. She explained to him that mistakes happen and it should be dealt with amicably unless someone deliberately caused you sadness. He was a bit emotional, as he had just taken some MDMA, but after that day she believes that she and T became closer than they ever were before and she knew she had a friend in him, someone who would understand and not just make her feel worse.
After our conversation we headed straight to a food festival where we spoke further and aired more T and her problems. We sampled a few of the dishes available at the festival and D particularly liked some coconut pastries she had. We danced and had lots of fun but ended the night quite early, after the festival was over, as D was tired and didn’t want to stay out. We got home at 00:00 and put a movie on but we were both tired and uninterested so went to bed.
J felt that D was very distant for most of the day and was not particularly engaging with anyone except for the aforementioned conversation with T.
14:00 – 12.5µg 1p-LSD
J has always had problems displaying his feelings for people and came to the conclusion that he needed to show his love more, in the form of spontaneous gestures, especially at this time while we were in a foreign land together without our friends and family
Woke up and started cleaning the house. D was feeling down again while cleaning, missing her family. We had a long talk and J came to some realisations. J has always had problems displaying his feelings for people and came to the conclusion that he needed to show his love more, in the form of spontaneous gestures, especially at this time while we were in a foreign land together without our friends and family. This may seem obvious to many people but it is not easy for J. He can’t be afraid of giving love. D can return that love like no one else he has ever met and no reasonable person will ever think less of you for showing love to your wife, quite the opposite.
T came over around 18:30 and we hung around the house for a bit before walking out for some ice cream. On the way from the ice cream parlour to the coffeeshop we ran into some friends. T was acting a bit strangely and decided to leave after we met our other friends. We went down to the park quite late and stayed there talking until around 02:00 the next morning. J did a lot of juggling and someone passing by asked to make a video of it which he was happy to oblige. After getting home we watched a movie and headed off to bed.
16:00 – 12.5µg 1p-LSD
Woken up at 07:40 because a plumber arrived to do some work on our house. However, we missed him because he didn’t hang around for long after pressing the bell. D was not happy about him leaving so fast and J went down to do some washing up and clean the kitchen.
Around 18:30 we went for a great shower together where we washed each other and cuddled a lot, this made us feel even closer and was a somewhat spiritual feeling
We were both very tired still, so at 11:00, we went back to bed. We awoke around 15:30, shortly before our dose.
D made a lovely meal with salmon and harissa sauce although J couldn’t finish it and seemed quite distracted with a lot of pacing around but we were both feeling closer this day. Around 18:30 we went for a great shower together where we washed each other and cuddled a lot, this made us feel even closer and was a somewhat spiritual feeling. After the shower we went for a movie, we were back by 22:00 when E came over. D had a long chat with E about life, the universe and everything and we went to bed.
13:50 – 12.5µg 1p-LSD
This was both the most difficult day, and the most rewarding of the whole week. We got up around 11:30 and D said her muscles were aching. J tried to help her get back to sleep by scratching her head but she was in a very bad mood and said it wasn’t being done properly. J was very groggy from being woken up and so D got up and did some housework.
This was both the most difficult day, and the most rewarding of the whole week
She was determined to not let him sleep and came into the room and opened the blinds. By 13:00 the poor start to the day had really got to D, she was shouting and screaming and J went out for a walk so that both of them could cool off. While sitting in a nearby square J wrote the following:
“I want to go home but I know she won’t be calm by now. I tried to help her this morning but she says it was useless and that I didn’t try hard enough. I don’t know what to do or what else I could have done. She asked me to scratch her head but how I did it was not right. I am confused.”
In hindsight, this was the wrong thing to be worrying about for J but he is not very good with dealing with people due to being on the autistic spectrum. For a bit of perspective, this is what D wrote on the same day:
I am scared and a bit helpless for being so open about my feelings. I never told anyone how I felt before and when I finally did I got no reciprocation. This confused me and in turn I am now having difficulties again.
- Can’t trust
- Want to leave
- Feel betrayed
- Want my own peace
- I would love it if I went back home or on a holiday so I can think it through as to whether or not I want him.
This would be the last day of the experiment for us
J got home at 13:25 and swept and mopped the kitchen while trying to speak to D. She did not want to talk to him. When we started talking again it was 13:50 which is when we did our dose. We headed off to the shops to get some more items for the festival we were heading to in the next few days. D was very emotional and we didn’t get much done we and spent a lot of the time sitting at the side of the road and talking. We made some plans to meet another friend but, after the roller-coaster of a day, we didn’t feel like it and headed home. This would be the last day of the experiment for us.
We are writing this nearly a year after the experience took place and looking back on it now it’s much easier to put into perspective. We are still together and both doing a lot better now. J is much better at understanding D’s needs and D is a lot better at controlling her anger. We have come a long way and are now expecting a baby as well. Bring on the next challenge!
“I don’t get as angry as I used to in the past. I had to teach J how to show love and reciprocate love at times instead of ignoring my feelings and just saying I love you at times. For me, being in this relationship and making it work for the future has always been my first priority and I expect the same from J. One year on and I feel we have come a long way together and feel proud that J shows me love rather than just saying it. It took some time but it was well worth the effort. I think this experience, along with both of us wanting to make things work even through this difficult time in our life, was a beneficial one and it helped us to release some of our demons and enjoy our lives together all the more.”
We have come a long way and are now expecting a baby as well. Bring on the next challenge!
“I am a lot more aware of D’s needs these days and this experience was something that really was a turning point for us. Although I am not very emotional, I think I understand her a lot better and am able to keep her happy most of the time. She is not a difficult person to keep happy, she likes the simple things in life. If our pregnancy had happened when we did this little experiment, we would undoubtedly be in a worse place than we are now. This experience added depth to our relationship and helped us work through some things that we had difficulty working through under normal circumstances.”
Thank you LSD!